I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
