I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think your dad took our porno
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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