i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
