Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let's paint friendship bongs
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
