WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
