I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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