I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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