We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
