DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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