Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
