Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
