the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
