With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
