Sry I called you an 8
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
