I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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