I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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