Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am naked and annoyed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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