Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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