I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
