I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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