The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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