i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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