BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
