I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
