I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
