So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
