Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
