My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
