oh god the rape fog is back!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
