If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
