If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
