there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
