Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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