you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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