What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
