you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
