Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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