You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Is Oprah even human
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
