as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
