Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
