So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
