I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
