i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it's like iHOP with fire
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's the barista slut.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
