why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
