fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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