i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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