there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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