I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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