it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
