no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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