should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
