im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
