I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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