You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
